Coping with Grief and Loss

What is grief? 

Grief is a normal reaction to loss, and it may include emotions such as sadness, despair, guilt, or anger, among others.  

Your experience may encompass a wide range of strong emotions for as short as a day to as long as several years. The grief response can vary daily and from person to person. 

The loss associated with grief typically refers to the death of a loved one. However, in addition to losing a person, you may experience grief due to: 

• A serious medical diagnosis, injury, or accident 
• Losing your pet 
• Losing your job or retirement 
• Losing your home  
• Losing financial stability  
• A pregnancy loss 
• Ending a relationship 
• Severe trauma 

The severity of your grief may not be the same in each situation, but you may still experience several emotional responses. These may include feeling heartache, becoming depressed, or experiencing thoughts related to suicide.  

What amount of grief is considered normal? 

Symptoms of normal grief, also known as acute or uncomplicated grief, may include:  

• Shock, numbness, denial, disbelief, anxiety, fear, distress, anger, rage, and bargaining.  
• Loss of interest or withdrawal from work, hobbies, social activities, daily activities, or interactions with loved ones. 
• Loss of appetite, nausea, muscle weakness, trouble with sleep, trouble breathing, increased inflammation in your joints, and headaches. 

These impacts to your daily life may lessen as your grief subsides. However, everyone’s grieving process looks different, so you may feel the social impacts of grief longer or shorter than you anticipate. 

If you feel like your grief symptoms aren’t subsiding, you may want to consider reaching out to a mental health professional for additional support. 

How long does grief last? 

On average, acute grief typically passes in twelve months for adults and six months for children. After this time, although the pain may never leave completely, you may feel the sting of it less and you may experience fewer to no symptoms of grief.  

What is prolonged grief disorder? 

If recalling the experience still brings up intense feelings after a few years, you may be experiencing what’s known as prolonged grief. Prolonged grief disorder (also commonly called grief disorder or complicated grief) is a form of grieving that persists after twelve months for adults and six months for children. Prolonged grief disorder specifically refers to the situation in which a person is mourning the death of another person. Many people with prolonged grief disorder may believe they have depression, but these two conditions have separate diagnostic criteria and treatments. If you believe you’re experiencing prolonged grief disorder, consider reaching out to a mental health professional.   

Symptoms of prolonged grief disorder may include:  

• Feeling guilty, worthless, or empty 
• Feeling numb, lonely, or isolated for more than a few weeks 
• Having trouble with trust  
• Having trouble believing the loss  
• Having trouble engaging in daily life 
• In instances of death, wanting to join the dead loved one 

What if you have complications that worsen your grief? 

Some people may be more prone to complicated grief than others. This includes people who have pre-existing trauma, mental health disorders, or struggle with addiction.  

If you have complications that interfere with the grieving process, you may experience symptoms that aren't typically noted as part of the grieving process. These may include:  

• Hallucinations 
• Feeling worthless or thinking actively about suicide 
• Constant thoughts about dying and death 
• Changes in your speech and movement patterns 
• Prolonged inability to function 

If you experience any of these symptoms, consider promptly reaching out to a health care or mental health professional for additional resources.  

How can you cope with grief in a healthy way? 

To cope with grief in a healthy way, you may want to consider adopting strategies such as: 

• Talking about your loss with friends and family when you’re ready and not trying to bury or push down the pain of the loss. 
• Strengthening existing relationships and communities or forming new ones, this can include people at work, within your faith, or in the surrounding community. 
• Exercising regularly, eating healthy food, and getting seven to eight hours of sleep nightly in order to maintain overall health and well-being. 
• Participating in your favorite activities. 
• Keeping up with your routine visits with your health care provider. 
• Not using substances like alcohol or drugs to numb the pain of loss. 

What are some resources to treat grief?  

Grief treatment resources include various forms of therapy and support groups. Some methods are specific to grief, while others may be used for a wide range of support. 

Grief specific therapies: 

• Prolonged grief therapy: A short-term treatment that helps you reach a state of acceptance.  
• Meaning in loss therapy: Helps you accept the loss and constructively integrate it into your life.  
• Family bereavement program: Helps children who are grieving. 
• Grief and trauma intervention (GTI): Helps people who have experienced trauma, like seeing their parent die.  

Other helpful forms of therapy: 

• Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT): Helps you identify issues and set goals to help manage your loss. 
• Support groups: Peer-based programs that give support and understanding to you so that you can process grief with people who may have experienced something similar.  

How can you support someone who’s grieving? 

If you’re supporting someone who’s grieving, you may want to help them by: 

• Being present by attending significant events related to the loss, such as the funeral or memorial service. 
• Reaching out through calls, emails, text messages, or letters. You may want to especially check in with the person during birthdays and anniversaries since these can be particularly challenging times. 
• Being sensitive with your language to express support without upsetting the person in bereavement. For example, you may avoid describing the loss as “meant to be” or “part of God’s plan” because this may feel dismissive to the person experiencing loss. 
• Being careful with comparing their loss to yours because this may take the focus away from the grieving person’s loss.  
• Helping with practical tasks such as dropping off food, coordinating meal deliveries, offering to help with childcare, housework, or schoolwork.  
• Acknowledging their grief even if they aren’t the ones to bring it up. Even if you aren’t talking about it, it doesn’t mean they aren’t thinking about it so it can be helpful to remind them you’re there to talk if they’d like.  
• Keeping the memory alive. If someone is grieving the loss of a person, bringing up the person’s name and sharing memories, possessions, or photos may be helpful, even after long periods of time.  

What else is there to know about grief? 

Although it may sound strange, some psychologists believe that there are benefits to loss and grief. Some people find that they end up becoming more understanding and tolerant and also express more gratitude over time. Some research also shows that people become more involved in their communities after experiencing grief.  

What are additional resources for help with grief? 

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline helps you get connected with a counselor to discuss mental health, suicidal ideation, stress, or concerns with substance use. It’s available 24 hours a day 7 days a week and is free and confidential.  
• The Center for Prolonged Grief can help you or someone you know struggling with prolonged grief disorder connect with a health care provider for additional help.